lol

wait till you see what the warm months and caked on makeup have done to me.

I've been torn down into resembling a shell of a girl, nothing hurts more than when your eyes turn

to me and you let out a sound of disappointment. I cross my fingers and laugh, but I really want to bite down on the leather strap and drain these veins, and fill them up with something more useful

i don't want your sympathy in any form,

theres no reason to crawl back to me on those knees that knock when you walk , I can see you've already been somebody else's martyr for the night, they are already raw and rug burned.

the summer i lost interest in all morale

i like feeling the hollow hunger of movement inside me

we didnt even have to have fucked and you would have been a dog at my knees

i cant control these actions when there is sweet substance involved

im not talking emotions and bullshit that comes from the heart, im talking fucking chemicals

do you have any idea how it feels to truly believe your heart is about to stop beating,

then there is the heroin that stops my shaking fingers from pushing the nails back against your headboard.

your baby looks like a fucking alien.

crawling through static

black caviar lungs. cocaine white skin. porn star red lips.

i am filling the void with you. 

the mother wolf of a starved suckling nation. 

our blue collar nooses don't satiate her

we need the TV static to drown out the moaned pleads of poverty to help us sleep

at night

and broad casted upper class lullabies

shaking in the sheets at the thought of a pixilated revolution

we expose human fallacy via single sentence updates 

theres some trouble in room 100

i want to spend valentines day in the room where sid vicious supposedly killed his girlfriend nancy spungen. The chelsea hotel in nyc, room 100. take me?

fuck it

i feel completely naked, even with all these scars 

hell

they were draining me with their gorgeous faces and the way their body language begged to be fucked up. Turning me on the sniffling late 1980's street punk nose barely bleeding barely breathing. fucking intoxicated infatuated with the taste of whisky as the photographers fingers went deeper in me and as my eyes rolled back I fixed my eyes on a crack in the ceiling of this underground club and for a brief moment i could of sworn i was in hell

untitled

theres a girl in the corner becoming a black hole as everything about you consumes her.

home is where the drug dealer is.

with a doll headed sigh her dress was torn from his crown of thorns between her thighs

when everything falls up into place unto the shelf of memories gold plated plastic trophies of bad decisions past who had colgate smiles and drove SUV's to their lovers houses while their wives baked them apple pies and bought them anniversary sets of golf clubs and hallmark patented emotions.

coldblood boiling

this nectar of fortune is yours to taste and figure out how to swallow. i hope it favors you

i am the animal

i yearn for the sinew and the lace, that composes your delicate frame. 

the ritual of defeat is to pray to your god.

but you

you dont breathe a word

i dream of fur matted with forest of blood i dream of waking you

we will never run together

a coward is isolated and destroyed

fake it to feel alive

fingertips that ache to touch the edge of your bed with such a sudden perversion to be cheek to cheek with you, wounded breathing, your laugh, muted by a milligram, the tilt of your head, awkward, I allow your forehead to fall forward, caught by my chest.

and you dont know me by just drowning in my eyes. you need to really lose yourself to crawl under my skin.

times square is burning. and the scene is euphoric, i lose myself in these bass lines and bottles of alcohol here, we were never meant to touch, i was never made to make it out of your bed alive.

peruvian lady, somebody's baby isnt coming home tonight

he said, " Do what you do best, swallow, and forget".

the way we think, it interferes with the way we breathe

my hands start to shake as the black horse lifts his head towards the north

my options are weighed and injected,

the great nosebleed to make me a martyr comes

and the tracks that i follow home, scar

them bones draped in a mess of makeup and chanel no.5 , the way you walk and place your hands on my face changes the minute you get paid to fuck. but even showing my insides, dosent expose me, nothing exposes this fucking mess like a needle and a headboard thats easy to get a grip on.

the smell of soil, the spilt milk on the kitchen floor, a girl becoming a black hole in the corner as everything about you consumes her.

wolves at the reception

Mirth, rolling papers, Old tattered books that fall apart when you pick them up and every fiber of your being feels like this could be the one to change your life, your muse with a paper spine and a dust jacket.

babygirl, you nose is bleeding

your god wraps his hands around my throat in the mirror

he opens my mouth for me, tasting like vodka soaked shaking fits and rug burned knees. take me home, my teeth are chattering, oil and honey, honey and mud.

this isnt me, im not mechanical.

whiskey and cigarettes

im pretty stuck on the idea of walking out your front door just to disappear. 

im currently downloading La Vie en Rose. 

it gets harder and harder to keep my hands off of you.

my thighs drip and release your offering, your communion. i kneel at your altar. the sheets have stained.

The Rabbit hole of Narcissim

reading camus, russell and various essays on anarchism.

party @ annex in nyc last night, public acts of lewd and drunken behavior. middle fingering the world and dirty bathroom stall confessions.

theres this boy. the end.

80% of married men cheat in America

the addicted

true love, just from breathing in,  snow white.

                                             and when it cuts, you fall neatly into lines 

CANINE TEETH AND COLD BREATH DEEP IN THE WOOD. THIS NEXT ONE WILL DRASTICALLY CHANGE YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES. I PRAY

the silver, the rosary

the white beech bark and the shadows. deep stains 

freezing water, no confession

i prey

wolves like me 

i will not stop chasing the bottle

until either of us in empty

trembling

unholy utilations

( they have caught your scent sweetie)

the human body has over 60,000 miles of blood vessels.

the average heart beats 2.5 billion times in a lifetime.

yearling

with wounds like yours i wouldn't worry about them scarring, i would worry about the reason for such self infliction with such a breathtaking reflection when you made a monster out of cosmetics and narcissism every time he took a glance at you, you smiled and put on more makeup.

requiememory

running out of breath your crawling back across the bed burning up with your tossed cigarette

when you lie its the greatest aphrodisiac for a girl like me 

pearls placed upon your powdered flesh, white as cocaine

your lust, the bakery queen

immeasurable

pinched pink for me

this is all to fucking savage

 

crawl

i am under any influence that is willing to twist its way up my spine 

in time, in time, you will turn black like these cigarette ashes

oh, deliver me

with your eyes closed you lead me down the crooked path

the wolves catch my scent

should we run from here, oh no, 

no, lay down

and while you are in her bed, redeeming yourself for fucking me, 

i am cutting lines with the virgin mother from 8th street

but somewhow i find you crawling back up those steps to my door like a broken down christ bearing his cross .

single malt rhapsody

and he crawled, crawled hot and hard, she rocked her hips and showed the whites of her eyes, he crawled right up under her skin and his stare grabbed her by the throat and choked her breath away into sighs

stop shaking, he promised, I will wind wildflowers into your hair and the gold spun valley will be our wedding bed. 

listless

your eyes could tear open a summer sky, the heavens would come falling into your arms.

you are my narcotic, i fell to my knees at the sound of your voice. we were never meant to find each other, but if you leave now, i will wander lost forever.

sometimes evil is its own ecstasy

just the thought of your breath hot against my throat sends me to the doors of the hospital.

warm whiskey makes the devils voice sound that much sweeter in your ear

smoke signals

but beautiful, your eyes were wondering, and your mouth was stuttering, and your hands were shaking. 

i think it was in your best interest he said, to just swallow this pill and follow me down the rabbit  hole, your words are mumbled under your pleading sighs 

we are just a mess of lace, white smoke and premature bruises not yet dealt by your hands.

didnt think you had it in you

is there room for my hands on your thighs or are they already occupied.

she passes me her cigarette and my stomach turns. 

everything about her body language tells me to keep my mouth to myself so i walk away.

 i walk away.

if your done with your fits, sweating my sheets out at night. empty the bottle down your throat as a goodnight kiss

lie with me

your eyes are a beacon to the bedside. 

shewolf

i need something stronger, something extra strength.

ive settled into a euphoric state of chaos. baring my teeth with the understanding the hand will strike. my will outweighs your power.

romanticism in kitchen knives and expensive french lingerie. you have no control over the beast thats inside of beauty.

at the devils door with a broken heart

the calming effect of his forehead against the small of my back, with pushed up stilettos held up by strong shoulders, this night is something to compare to the resurrection of christ. 

this is the nightmare, that takes my breath away .

(dont steal my words thanks)

the witching hour

when we walked on water i held your hand. how i shivered with anticipation of drowning.

if you promise to hold my head under, i promise to be your undertow. I swear you have imagined nothing like the dark places i will drag you down into.

Travel list

• lake como, italy
• ibiza
• morocco
• la rochelle
• rovinj, croatia
• budapest
• lake bled, slovenia
• padova, italy
• phuket, thailand
• capri
• la push, washington
• gstadd, switzerland
• yvoire, france
• Annency, france
• portstewart, ireland
• positano, italy
• mont st michel, normandy, france
• dubai

the pelvis is a beautiful thing

your body is A) your temple b) your playground c) yours to abuse 

the sacred middle, the pelvic area between stomach and sexual appendages- the area within us where the flow of energy takes place between us and the cosmos. The functions of sex, prenatal life, birth, assimilation of food, as well as deep emotions all take place in this area. The "Sacred Middle" refers to the sacrum, the bony plate gets its name from the same latin root as the word for sacred. ( i didnt write this shit, but i am absolutely in love with it)

dont be afraid to fuck up my pretty little face 

soon youll be far away, just keep those lonely hands in your pockets

                                                                          

                    DIVINE CHAOS. DIVINE CHAOS. DIVINE CHAOS. DIVINE CHAOS. 

                                    

     black light enlightenment/ cold sheets and purple haze/ black light enlightenment

sweden mid summer grass was reaching up my legs and letting my skin know a breeze was coming 

my tangled lace dress and garters down to my knees tucked in a razor blade, for evening, with him 

ive been driving these roads for days...

                                                   i do not look like lindsay lohan.

                                        " & I'm weary, I'm not quite rested yet, this could be obvious to you  

(Let the shore tide take you in, let the shore tide in) In this short time we've been trading air."

southern drawls and tanning oil,hot humid fucks in high salt marsh grass. floral printed dresses barefeet wet 

sand under your toes. the scent the wind carries up into your senses, rolling your eyes back into your head. southern drawls southern crawling back into the rusted pick up trucks and a shotgun to your lips if you breathe a word against this.... land of the free land of the freedom ringing in your ears. moisture above your lips kisses the magnolias to your skin bronzed by the afternoon. 

A Magnolia Growing In A Deep Southern Ghetto.

A Filthy Fuck In A Seedy Motel That Leaves The taste of Mildew in your mouth for hours.

Abused Substances. Fuck..

Measurements
waist- 26 
hips- 35
bust-34
cup- small B
height- 5'6
shoe size- 7.5 US

summer skin

he told me he didn't want to hold me to close to his chest, because he was afraid I would hear there was no heartbeat.

summer reminds me of shitty sushi bars in central new jersey, dirty knees in sundresses tanning in the backyard, running out of gas in the 92' ford taurus and sweating in converse and fishnets on st.marks place. reading until i am cross eyed restless hot sweaty nights rosseau, kant, lolita, weetzie bat. highschool lust is so complicated when the senior you were hooking up with says he's going to college, so let the summer humidity make your shoulders glow in dockstreet's dim underground club setting and find a new lover until september comes around. that first year you went to go see the warped tour. you got all done up just to sweat off all your eyeliner within the first hour. i hopped the fence at english town raceway and got invited on stage to see funeral for a friend. when your 14 years old, it tastes like something famous. that night i listened to taking back sunday's " Your So Last Summer" at least ten times, convinced I was going to fuck this punk kid i was madly in love with to the song somewhere hot and humid and utterly romantic. not the staten island mall bathroom.